Know My Name by Chanel Miller

Author:Chanel Miller
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2019-09-23T16:00:00+00:00

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Lucas flew back to school. I spent the weekend distracting myself with banal tasks, but there was something I could not shake. The thing is I feel embarrassed on an airplane when I wake up and realize I’ve been sleeping with my mouth open. I was slow to realize how many men had seen me naked that night. I counted: Peter (1), who chased Brock (2), Carl (3), who squatted beside me. Guys from the fraternity (4, 5, 6, 7), who called the police. One guy (8) had been seen standing and shining a light over my body, before fleeing the scene. Deputy Taylor (9) was dispatched, a guy (10) led him to me. Next came Deputy Sheriff Braden Shaw (11), partner Eric Adams (12). Followed by paramedic Shaohsuan Steven Fanchiang (13), his partner Adam King (14), pinching my fingernails until I briefly opened my eyes, responding to the pain before slipping back out. The whole time I was lying there, left nipple out, ass bare, stomach skin folded, while polished shoes stepped on mulch around me. The deputies were crouching, taking notes, entire buttock visible, left breast was exposed, clothes all messed up in a various array, bra area completely a mess. I was photographed on the ground. These photographs, included the ones at the hospital, would be put up on the projector for everyone in the courtroom to see. Here I lose count.

I dreaded Monday’s cross-examination. I remembered a night in college when my drunk guy friend dragged a cinder block all the way home. When asked why, he said, Because I needed a doorstop! We laughed because it made no sense, but in his world it seemed like the perfect idea at the time. Imagine presenting this in court. Well don’t you find a cinder block a little unreasonable? Why wouldn’t you choose something lighter? Or get an actual doorstop, small and rubber? Approximately where was the cinder block located when you found it? Did you steal it? How drunk did you feel when you found it? Do you sleep with your door open or closed? What’s your motive for propping it open?

The first time I watched Grease I was nine, I loved Sandy, in her peach-colored skirt and silky ponytail. The entire movie was going smoothly until the final scene. Suddenly this woman in black leather pants and purple-lidded eyes emerged and I was in a panic thinking, Where did Sandy go? Is she okay? She must have transferred schools. Does she know John Travolta is cheating on her with this huge-haired tobacco-smoking woman? Why is no one else worried? I was watching the group of friends running through the carnival, while Sandy was nowhere to be found, and I was devastated. This is why, for so many years of my young life, I hated Grease.

It took me years to realize I was seeing two sides of the same person. At the time it seemed inconceivable. They looked and acted nothing alike;

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